Play with Your Food

Wouldn’t life be even more awesome if you could eat your way up the creamy gorgonzola capped peaks of a Tri Tip, base-jump from the summit with a tortilla for a chute and make a splash in the savory juices of a gravy river? Then perhaps it’s time you took a lesson in nutritional geography from the fine folks at The National Cattleman’s Beef Association who proudly present “Powerful Beefscapes,” six breathtaking vistas made almost entirely of meat. In this magical “Land of Lean Beef” you can have your ground with a side of rocks and maybe a tree or two while relishing – according to the press release – “the qualities unique to beef: passion, protein and strength.” Think flavor country, but for your feedbag and here, the only thing being smoked is the whole goddamn landscape – if that’s your thing anyway. For in this vast terrain of beef, there’s more than enough room for grilled, pan-seared and roasted, too. So go on, loosen your belt and indulge your bottomless appetite with your newfound freedom from the scourges of fat. It’s the American Dream airbrushed and larger than life. Meat porn to make you suck back a line of spittle and gnash your teeth with anticipation. Evocative full color spreads awakening a hunger that no ordinary meal can ever hope to sate. Give me a coastline of rare steak and don’t even think of putting it on a plate. When I’m finished I’m going to swallow the sun for dessert then sink into my couch, the very picture of health. And if you’re still searching for more fodder to arouse your carnal-ivorous desires, contact the aptly named Meghan Pusey (mpusey@beef.org) for hi-res images (suitable for framing or wallpapering your den) and recipes so you can create small-scale replicas to enjoy in the privacy of your home. Just don’t get any on you. Some stains are impossible to get out. -Scott J Lachut

More beefy vistas and the Butcher speaks after the jump.

Some in the media industry see this as just another food industry fiasco. They might not be quite as susceptible to the dulcet tones of Matthew Mcconaughey’s voice as are the stocky well-fed women of middle America.

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