British academic and journalist Aleks Krotoski is retelling George Orwell’s novel “1984″ one word at a time through one photo a day. Today’s photo, day and word 22 — “breast” –  just happens to be from the meat section at Sainsbury’s on Victoria Road, according to Krotoski. This “breast” is meant to refer to where Winston Smith’s chin is nuzzled, but just go with it.

You might argue that this is the long way round to reading a novel, but the combinations of images and words in the stream create a transcendent beauty that is unique to the project. Krotoski explains her rationale for the lifestream project on her blog. Yes she’s aware of the irony of combining lifestreaming and “1984.” We look forward to her rendition of “Animal Farm.”

Where in the world is this meat from?

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Oscar Mayer‘s new ad in Newsweek calls its sandwich “Blogworthy.” If that just means inviting ridicule, then they may have a point. Okay, guys, here is your post (please add it to your list of social media hits):

Oscar Mayer’s Deli Creations Flatbread sandwiches are an abomination — the sort of thing that should never happen to meat. Sure, they are convenient (and only 350 calories, so we are to believe that this processed shit is healthy), but the plastic hunks of pre-digested poultry with the painted-on grill marks are enough to turn your stomach. Even in the picture in the “Blogworthy” ad, with imitation cheese product congealing on the chicken turds, the sandwich looks unappetizing.

Dear marketing geniuses: Working like a charm, isn’t it? Next time please specify what exactly is worthy of blogging about and we’ll try to accommodate you.

We stand corrected. A rep from McDonald’s has informed us:

It’s important to remember that this is just one component of our overall
PR program. To connect with our AACM consumers, we tapped into a prominent
McNuggets lover. McDonald’s has an overall public relations program that celebrates the
people who are passionate about their Chicken McNuggets, which includes a
Facebook page and a web site, NuggNuts.com.

And it’s true. They, for some crazy reason, thought NuggNuts would be a good name. As Gurgling Cod points out, this sounds like something to store your weed in. Among the more disturbing elements of the Facebook group (which, it should be noted, astoundingly, has more than 1,500 members) is an album of pictures of McNuggets that look like other things. Abe Lincoln takes the cake. Or compressed chicken ass. Or whatever a NuggNut prize would entail.

Not content with having merely embarrassed Keith Sweat, McDonald’s PR agency also trolled Times Square and apparently gave the tourists, mentally disturbed homeless people and escapees from Bellevue (see above and note the scar running across the forehead and through both eyebrows) a nifty hat and T-shirt if they’d smile manically for the camera.

How fucked up is the world? If Keith Sweat crooning for McNuggets and sounding as if he is going to make sweet, sweet love to them is any indication, the answer is extremely. You probably know full well how we feel about any supposed meat product that’s pressed, processed and packaged. Well, it goes double when washed up R&B stars are sexifiying the bite-size wads of compressed poultry parts. We’re not lying. Sweat whispers to the McNuggets that it’s their 25th anniversary and that he still dreams of them every night. Listen closely and you can hear him sliding across the satin sheets with dipping sauce all over his face.

Q: America, when will you be angelic? When will you take off your clothes?

A:

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This is not a surveillance shot from our moonlighting as private investigators. We care not about your cheating spouses (though the gumshoe sideline is getting more lucrative lately). However, how about a little sleuthing contest? We will award a meat patty to the first person to correctly identify the location of this “Eat” in “Meat” sign. As you can imagine, it’s a classy place. And it makes us think of Mr. Scott H. Biram, who is fond of saying, “They didn’t put the word ‘eat’ in ‘meat’ for nothing,” during an expletive-laden rant. He also has some good songs about chicken (which, upon much contemplation and application of the old if-it-bleeds-rule, we do in fact consider meat).

After the jump, Mr. Biram’s “Fixin’ to Die” which includes the aforementioned meaty rant.

“They didn’t put the word ‘eat’ in ‘meat’ for nothing.”

Chick-fil-A, a purveyor of pressed and processed chicken parts, has been trying to take down purveyors of pressed and processed beef with its “Cows” campaign since 1995 — when it ran an outdoor campaign featuring two cows painting the words “Eat Mor Chikin” on billboards. Ever since, they’ve adopted the Holstein cows (typically milk cows which are used for low-grade beef when they run dry) as company mascots. Ten years and going strong, but the anthropomorphic bovines are reaching new levels of disturbing with a give-away calender modeled after “Rolling Stone” and featuring cows in guises as various rock acts such as the white-suited Brisket Inferno or the glam metal Slaughterhaus crooning “Every Chicken Has Its Bun.” Perhaps the most atrocious is the alluringly big-uttered Spicy Skirtsteak singing “Gimme Chicken One More Time.” The whole thing sort of makes us lose our appetites, so we’re just going to ogle the grill-on-grill porn accompanying Josh Ozersky’s truly illuminating “What a Grill Wants” guide in “New York” magazine this week (complete with a thought-provoking heat vs. time comment debate–seriously people, let the man do his job). There could be few better tributes to Clay Felker than being on the cover of an issue with such an insightful (but still really simple, as grilling should be) hot charcoal tips. That’s how we’d like to be remembered.