A new YouTube video introduces Jamba Juice’s newest product: the Cheeseburger Chill. The spot introducing the drink made from hamburgers is part Mad magazine parody, part lame attempt at hoax, as if the maker couldn’t decide which to go for.

One thing is certain though: Jamba Juice would like you to believe that drinking a smoothie made of a hamburger is the equivalent of ordering a smoothie from McDonald’s. Both are gross, but then so is Jamba Juice. So rather than point out the differences between its sugary fruit drinks and McDonald’s equally-sugary-but-cheaper fruit drinks, Jamba Juice takes a cheap shot. Now we’d never advocate anyone purchase anything from McDonald’s, not even a smoothie, but still, this desperate cloying attempt to be viral is avoiding the fact that Jamba Juice makes some unhealthy products itself (and swaddles them in the all-natural cloak). Take for example the “smoothie” with more sugar than two pints of Ben and Jerry’s Butter Pecan ice cream.

The best part of the video, beside watching a burger blended into smoothie turn into something that resembles Jamba Juice’s Moo-Powered Chocolate Smoothie, is how well the spot lampoons the absurdly smug suburbanite vibe of the smoothie shops themselves. That and the hip-hop break at the end of the video.

In one of the more revolting meat related developments, McDonald’s seems to be planning to launch its revolting Angus Burger nationally. The fast food giant has been serving the Angus burger at select locations (such as New York, where it couldn’t be less called for) since 2007, but today’s Chicago Tribune cites reports that, just in time for the Monopoly promotion, (see, because “Angus = Rich“) the burger will darken the rest of the country.

Well, what’s the problem? you might ask. The Angus is better, right? Probably not. The $4 Angus weighs in at one-third pound, and is the largest of so-called premium burgers being offered by fast-food chains, if you can fathom such monstrosities. But an Angus steer is a big animal. There’s a lot of meat on that guy. And a lot of places that meat can come from. McDonald’s says its burgers are made of Angus ground beef, which is the lowest grade cut, of course. After plain ground beef, there is ground chuck, ground sirloin, and ground round, which all come from particular places on the steer. The main difference is the amount of fat in the beef, with ground beef coming in at 27 percent. This in and of itself isn’t bad. Ground round comes in at about 10 percent fat, which is really too little for a burger. But the main point here is the misnomer of McDonald’s presenting slaughterhouse scraps as gourmet fare.

A handy Angus Beef chart courtesy of the American Angus Association after the jump

We stand corrected. A rep from McDonald’s has informed us:

It’s important to remember that this is just one component of our overall
PR program. To connect with our AACM consumers, we tapped into a prominent
McNuggets lover. McDonald’s has an overall public relations program that celebrates the
people who are passionate about their Chicken McNuggets, which includes a
Facebook page and a web site, NuggNuts.com.

And it’s true. They, for some crazy reason, thought NuggNuts would be a good name. As Gurgling Cod points out, this sounds like something to store your weed in. Among the more disturbing elements of the Facebook group (which, it should be noted, astoundingly, has more than 1,500 members) is an album of pictures of McNuggets that look like other things. Abe Lincoln takes the cake. Or compressed chicken ass. Or whatever a NuggNut prize would entail.

Not content with having merely embarrassed Keith Sweat, McDonald’s PR agency also trolled Times Square and apparently gave the tourists, mentally disturbed homeless people and escapees from Bellevue (see above and note the scar running across the forehead and through both eyebrows) a nifty hat and T-shirt if they’d smile manically for the camera.

How fucked up is the world? If Keith Sweat crooning for McNuggets and sounding as if he is going to make sweet, sweet love to them is any indication, the answer is extremely. You probably know full well how we feel about any supposed meat product that’s pressed, processed and packaged. Well, it goes double when washed up R&B stars are sexifiying the bite-size wads of compressed poultry parts. We’re not lying. Sweat whispers to the McNuggets that it’s their 25th anniversary and that he still dreams of them every night. Listen closely and you can hear him sliding across the satin sheets with dipping sauce all over his face.