Peta has been replaced as the most pusillanimous, ineffectual stunt activist group (especially after that elephant video): May we introduce you to a group calling itself the Cancer Project. Its target? Hot dogs.

CP filed a lawsuit in New Jersey against hot dog manufacturers Oscar Mayer, Sara Lee, Nathan’s Famous, Hebrew National and Sabrett. The only explanation must be that these people are emotionally stunted and this is a desperate plea fro attention. They obviously hate their fathers.

As evidence the CP cite the ingloriously fuck-you-studied study from the American Institute for Cancer Research that concluded regular consumption of processed meat can increase the risk of certain forms of cancer. They are asking for warning labels to s to be place don hot dogs like those that are affixed to boxes of cigarettes. They should all be force fed until they explode, along with the Påté Police.

Okay, the leggy meat hooks on America’s Next Top Model covered in top-round is one thing, but this guy’s amazing Technicolor beef-coat just turns our stomachs. He’s also Dlisted’s caption contest for today. The front-runner thus far: “Can you believe it? This guy actually knocked Paris out of the Guiness Book for most disgusting meat curtains in the world.” The main debate among commenters seems to be whether or not this is a PETA stunt. And the targeted Blogads don’t lie. Though we’ll take any excuse to admire the shapely derrière of Ms. Eva Mendes.

All of Eva, after the jump.

In a bid to make up with Texans who blame her for ruining their Cowboys post-season hopes and dreams, Jessica Simpson has been flaunting her best assets to show her devotion to meat. There’s no word yet on how this is playing with the Dallas contingent, though it has to go at least a little way toward winning the hearts and minds of people who live in a city where you’ll see slabs of beef while strolling by the concession stands at the airport. We can report that the good people of New York (at least those from B.R. Guest which runs Primehouse, the makers of the T-shirt) are delighted. The shirt only costs 20 bucks in the steakhouse’s gift shop and has been selling so briskly that sales are limited to one per order. Of course, the good people of PETA are not quite as pleased and have helpfully provided the top five reasons only stupid girls brag about eating meat (“It steals food from starving kids! It’ll make you fat!”) on their blog called, er, the PETA Files (um, guys, you may want to rethink that one). Expect Tony Roma to soon be seen wearing the inevitable “Real Men Eat Tuna” T-shirt.

So The Butcher, perhaps blinded by his hatred of crappy pop music, stupidity, Proactive spokespeople and women in general, found fault with the attention Simpson has been receiving. Full text of our petty internal squabble:

2:18:54 PM jnny: I know jessica simpson was everywhere already but I couldn’t help myself
2:19:05 PM thebutcher: you didn’t
2:19:14 PM jnny: sorry
2:19:24 PM thebutcher: no no no no
2:19:31 PM thebutcher: absolutely no
2:19:35 PM thebutcher: so bad
2:19:44 PM thebutcher: awful
2:19:50 PM thebutcher: awful
2:19:53 PM thebutcher: awful
2:20:00 PM jnny: well I could take it down I suppose
2:20:07 PM jnny: stop being a baby
2:20:14 PM thebutcher: why would you go there?
2:20:20 PM thebutcher: are you trying to make me mad?
2:20:21 PM jnny: because they were there
2:20:34 PM thebutcher: no
2:20:39 PM jnny: I was looking at tits
2:20:47 PM thebutcher: no
2:20:51 PM jnny: I was
2:21:00 PM thebutcher: horrible
2:21:03 PM jnny: the shirt makes a nice gift
2:21:10 PM thebutcher: no it doesn’t
2:21:13 PM thebutcher: awful
2:21:35 PM jnny: hmmm
2:21:35 PM thebutcher: i saw that pic yesterday and my immediate response was I would never put that anywhere
2:21:52 PM jnny: well it is an nyc restaurant
2:21:57 PM thebutcher: awful
2:21:58 PM jnny: the shirt is from Primehouse
2:22:52 PM jnny: perhaps if a certain other editor was putting up his posts when he was supposed I wouldn’t have to resort to this
2:25:03 PM jnny: stop being a baby
2:25:12 PM thebutcher: awful
2:26:47 PM thebutcher: i can’t even look at the site anymore
2:28:03 PM jnny: really we can’t remain silent at a time like this
2:28:18 PM jnny: she is a fine celebrity meat endorser
2:28:23 PM jnny: don’t be a snob
2:28:30 PM thebutcher: awful
2:28:40 PM jnny: stop crying
2:31:00 PM jnny: fine you big baby
2:31:06 PM jnny: I took it down
2:32:22 PM jnny: I hope you’re happy
2:32:55 PM thebutcher: you can leave it up
2:33:05 PM thebutcher: i just hate that picture and her
2:33:26 PM jnny: that is more like it
2:33:57 PM jnny: if you don’t have a seat at the table you’ll be on the menu

Nothing gets our blood up like naked, hot, sweaty and blood-covered interns. And you’ve got to hand it to PETA here: This “Jackass”-worthy prank certainly got some attention, though most of it from confused-looking passersby and the cops (who inquired as to the the safety of the stunt and seemed to make a sincere effort to get this poor defenseless little animal—ahem—we mean dumb intern unwrapped). The next time we torment our intern Darryl for our own fun and amusement we are going to follow this Carrieesque-slather-and-wrap-in-plastic procedure pioneered by the brave people at PETA. Though we’ll let him keep his clothes on—junior has been putting down a whole lot of pork belly lately and nobody needs to see that. So we’ll probably just skip the American Apparel attire and Morrissey tribute signs. The main problem with this pro-vegan campaign though is that looking at this naked twenty-year-old girl splayed before us like veal we just keep thinking that we want to throw her on the grill or something. (Miss Courtney Humiston’s story for Media magazine, “Fresh Meat,” and more pictures after the jump.)

“Fresh Meat”

The typical PETA Campaign: Turns heads (and causes them to shake in disgust and ridicule shortly afterwards); usually involves some level of nudity and sometimes (we’re being generous here) even helps animals. A recent effort led by Lindsay Rajt, manager of vegan campaigns, involved wrapping half-naked interns in plastic like flank steaks and labeling them FLESH on a muggy 80-plus-degree day in Memphis. Traditional marketers could learn a lot from PETA. Like how to get people to do really ridiculous and dangerous things for nothing. As is the case with many organizations with limited resources, PETA relies heavily on shock value and impassioned youth.

In the press release, Rajt states: “We are challenging people to really think about what ‘meat’ is. Eating flesh means eating the corpse of a tortured animal who did not want to die.” Apparently, neither did the tortured interns: According to a local news source, one intern complained of being hot and dizzy and asked how much longer she had to stay there. They may not be willing to give their lives, but if it was media attention they wanted, the campaign could be considered a success. The press release also states, “On today’s factory farms, cows are routinely branded, dehorned, and castrated without any painkillers. Slaughterhouse workers sometimes resort to strangling, beating, scalding, skinning, and dismembering conscious animals,” which makes us wonder what next year’s interns will be subjected to.—CE Humiston