Let’s get geographic for a minute: From deep in the archives of Texas Burger Guy (who is just a guy from the Lone Star State who enjoys burgers, not a guy from New York who enjoys his burgers topped with bacon, egg and cheese) comes this tale of the tape.

Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfiled, Penn. (no to be confused with plain old Denny’s) serves up an 6-lb. burger, the so-called “Ye Olde 96er.” That is like eating an infant on a bun. The 6-lb. beast goes for a cool $35.95, which is nine dollars more than the standard-weight Blue Label Burger (not to be confused with the plan old Minetta Burger) at Minetta Tavern in New York.

Denny’s Pub has a name for people who finish Ye Olde 96er or its 15-lb. Beer Barrel Belly Buster: Champions. (If you are interested in such things the record time for finishing the 6-pounder is 2 hours and 23 minutes.) The Butcher has a name for them, too, but we’ll leave that to your imagination.

Food fight! Time Out New York has published what it is calling, in a none-too-subtle stab at New York magazine, “The Real Cheap Eats.” And they used the above positively grease-saturated and utterly delectable looking Texas burger to it. TONY thew down the gauntlet this afternoon in its weekly email newsletter which began:

A certain other Cheap Eats issue this week features the foods of New York, but comes with a punch line: “all for under $25.” $25? Cheap? Bull!

And with that the mag presented its cheap eats for under $10.

The three owners of Feast in Houston, Tx.. two British ex-pats and one of their wives, got matching pig tattoos on the occasion of their one year anniversary. The restaurant, highlighted by Frank Bruni in the Times as part of a series on recent restaurant openings the Brunster deems important around the country, is a fierce advocate of nose-to-tail cooking in an unlikely location. While Texans are known to enjoy their meat, they are surely less famous for noshing on pork cheeks, haggis, rabbit’s liver and lamb tongue. They now have the opportunity to enjoy all of the above, and often, says Bruni, on any given night. And the restaurateurs are not out to serve bull testicle for the sake of slapping a testicle on the plate; they make every attempt to justify their being in Houston by sourcing locally — even if the style is far from it.

A fried egg. Pickled beets. Pineapple rings. Chile mayo. Farm-fresh tomatoes. Guest of a Guest’s Rachelle Hruska. What do these things have in common? They all enjoy topping Australian beef. Let’s start with the fried egg (because that is the one that likely had you scratching your head). July’s Gourmet magazine has a recipe for a little-known delicacy called the Aussie Burger. This is not for the faint of heart. It comes topped with all of the above (sans Hruska, of course). Sort of makes a Chicago dog look like sorbet. The Aussies also outdo the Texans who grill up a hangover cure dubbed the Texas burger (though they give New Yorkers the credit-slash-blame for this one), which is basically a bacon egg and cheese sandwich in a hamburger. So now on to Hruska, who when asked by Black Book mag where the good Hamptons parties were, answered: wherever the Australians are. At least she managed to not say Surf Lodge for one answer. Kudos.

Update: Stay tuned for news of this historic summit.

In a bid to make up with Texans who blame her for ruining their Cowboys post-season hopes and dreams, Jessica Simpson has been flaunting her best assets to show her devotion to meat. There’s no word yet on how this is playing with the Dallas contingent, though it has to go at least a little way toward winning the hearts and minds of people who live in a city where you’ll see slabs of beef while strolling by the concession stands at the airport. We can report that the good people of New York (at least those from B.R. Guest which runs Primehouse, the makers of the T-shirt) are delighted. The shirt only costs 20 bucks in the steakhouse’s gift shop and has been selling so briskly that sales are limited to one per order. Of course, the good people of PETA are not quite as pleased and have helpfully provided the top five reasons only stupid girls brag about eating meat (“It steals food from starving kids! It’ll make you fat!”) on their blog called, er, the PETA Files (um, guys, you may want to rethink that one). Expect Tony Roma to soon be seen wearing the inevitable “Real Men Eat Tuna” T-shirt.

So The Butcher, perhaps blinded by his hatred of crappy pop music, stupidity, Proactive spokespeople and women in general, found fault with the attention Simpson has been receiving. Full text of our petty internal squabble:

2:18:54 PM jnny: I know jessica simpson was everywhere already but I couldn’t help myself
2:19:05 PM thebutcher: you didn’t
2:19:14 PM jnny: sorry
2:19:24 PM thebutcher: no no no no
2:19:31 PM thebutcher: absolutely no
2:19:35 PM thebutcher: so bad
2:19:44 PM thebutcher: awful
2:19:50 PM thebutcher: awful
2:19:53 PM thebutcher: awful
2:20:00 PM jnny: well I could take it down I suppose
2:20:07 PM jnny: stop being a baby
2:20:14 PM thebutcher: why would you go there?
2:20:20 PM thebutcher: are you trying to make me mad?
2:20:21 PM jnny: because they were there
2:20:34 PM thebutcher: no
2:20:39 PM jnny: I was looking at tits
2:20:47 PM thebutcher: no
2:20:51 PM jnny: I was
2:21:00 PM thebutcher: horrible
2:21:03 PM jnny: the shirt makes a nice gift
2:21:10 PM thebutcher: no it doesn’t
2:21:13 PM thebutcher: awful
2:21:35 PM jnny: hmmm
2:21:35 PM thebutcher: i saw that pic yesterday and my immediate response was I would never put that anywhere
2:21:52 PM jnny: well it is an nyc restaurant
2:21:57 PM thebutcher: awful
2:21:58 PM jnny: the shirt is from Primehouse
2:22:52 PM jnny: perhaps if a certain other editor was putting up his posts when he was supposed I wouldn’t have to resort to this
2:25:03 PM jnny: stop being a baby
2:25:12 PM thebutcher: awful
2:26:47 PM thebutcher: i can’t even look at the site anymore
2:28:03 PM jnny: really we can’t remain silent at a time like this
2:28:18 PM jnny: she is a fine celebrity meat endorser
2:28:23 PM jnny: don’t be a snob
2:28:30 PM thebutcher: awful
2:28:40 PM jnny: stop crying
2:31:00 PM jnny: fine you big baby
2:31:06 PM jnny: I took it down
2:32:22 PM jnny: I hope you’re happy
2:32:55 PM thebutcher: you can leave it up
2:33:05 PM thebutcher: i just hate that picture and her
2:33:26 PM jnny: that is more like it
2:33:57 PM jnny: if you don’t have a seat at the table you’ll be on the menu